The Coach Approach

Before You Complain Over Someone's Head - Try This

I answer questions over at AllExperts.com on work group relationships.  My single most frequent question is how to deal with difficult coworkers and bosses.  And the single most common inclination is to take the issue over someone's head and to complain to a higher level.

This is not a good STARTING point for common complaints and conflicts!  When you have a problem with a boss or a coworker, speak to the person who can most easily fix it - the person you have the problem with.  Here are a few tips for having that necessary conversation.

• Do it one on one
• Start with the facts and just the facts - "Remember at the meeting yesterday when I suggested that..."
• Add your perception - "I thought/felt/noticed that you rolled your eyes."
• Describe the impact the action had on YOU - "It made me think that you were discrediting my input."
• Listen
• Make a request - "The next time you feel uninspired when I am speaking at a meeting, would you mind giving me some useful input?"
• Create accountability by asking this question, "If this comes up in the future, how would you like me to handle it with you?"
• Find something to appreciate - thank the person for their time, honesty, sharing their perspective, clarifying etc.   Note to self: If you can't find SOMETHING to appreciate YOU are probably being too hard on the other person in the conversation.

The direct conversation takes a little more courage but builds better work relationships.  Think about the idle office gossip that could be eliminated if more people took constructive action.

Change the Way You Look At Things

Change the way you look at things and, what you look at - changes. 

Perception isn't everything but it sure is convincing.  The problem is, when you believe something to be true, you tend to sort through information in your environment and focus on evidence that supports the frame of reference you have chosen in your perception. For example, look at the picture below:

Young Woman or Old?
That depends on your interpretation. Young people tend to see a young girl; older people, an elderly lady.

With effort, you can switch from one to the other: the young woman's chin becomes the old woman's nose; the old woman's mouth, a band on the neck of the young woman.

By American psychologist E.G. Boring

As you shift the way you look at things, you are able to take in more objective information and reframe more empowering and useful perspectives on a situation. 

Try it.  See what changes you become aware of as you shift the way you look at things.

All the best,

Lora

lora@TheCoachApproach.net

The Coach Approach, LLC

P.S.  Here is another one just for kicks. Vases or faces?

"Goblet Portraits" by Zeke Berman ©1978

Success Tool: Avoid These Negative Language Patterns

I wrote Monday about using positive language to create more resourceful states in yourself and others.  Bottom line is that your words help create your own feelings of well-being (or not) and impact those around you in a big way! 

Your impact is either positive, negative or neutral.  Realistically, neutral doesn't happen very often which leaves you with one of two choices.  Since positive people have better relationships, make more money, experience better health, and enjoy greater success, you want to have a positive impact - of course!

Success Tool: Use the Language of Positive Influence

Your language is one of the most powerful tools you can use to influence your own success as well as the success of others.  How you use words to describe your experience or to question your experience, gives your brain a clue as to whether you should be responding from a resourceful state or a not so resourceful state.  And that's just for starters.

Think about the impact you might create with a question like:  "How are we going to get ourselves out of this mess?" as opposed to "What are the most important things we can be doing right now to keep ourselves moving forward?"  See the difference?  The first places a focus on a mess while the other points toward what is important and forward movement.

Not Getting Results? Don’t Just Sit There, Change Something!

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.

          -Benjamin Franklin

We’ve all heard Ben Franklin’s famous quote - which doesn’t stop us from the folly of continuing to do the same thing over and over again hoping for a different result.  Maybe we’re all a little insane.  Sometimes we’ve just convinced ourselves that we are right and that ultimately, things will change.  And then there is the possibility that we don’t know what exactly to change.

If you are a little bit insane, good for you.  It keeps life interesting.  If you have convinced yourself that you are just right and ultimately something else will change, good luck.  If you are willing to try something different in order to get a different result, here are the places to start.

Leadership Tip: Is Your Organization Awake?

That is the question asked by Nancy Spears in her latest business book, Buddha: 9 to 5: The Eightfold Path to Enlightening Your Workplace and Improving Your Bottom Line  Regardless of your spiritual orientation, you will find this book packed with leadership tools, workplace wisdom, and professional development tips. 

Spears overlays ancient teachings upon today's corporate environments providing a road map for healthy change which is people, profit and ethics centric - all at the same time. She brings deeper meaning to the classic terms, "mission" and "vision."  Through a series of self-coaching exercises, she points the reader toward accountability, discipline in communication, passion and patience at work.  Short case studies populate the book both from the author's own professional experience as well as popular media.  While educating on Buddhist principles of thought, each chapter is organized in business like fashion into strategies, tactics, and operations.

I love the book, like most of those recommended by my good friend Nicki Marcellino at Prudential California Realty.  The company has their entire management staff reading the book!  Spears and I are on the same page here.  You can read my take on business and the eightfold path on my old blog, Thoughts on Leadership over at blogger.com.  What do you think?

Enjoy,

Lora

Lora Banks, CPCC

lora@TheCoachApproach.net

The Coach Approach, LLC

Leadership Tip: Your Attention Please!

When and where do you place your attention?  This is a simple question and the answer may not be as easy.  There are countless moments during the day when you hand over your attention to the auto pilot, perhaps in handling prolific email, an unengaging conversation, or the repeat performance of routine interactions such as saying "Good morning" for example.  Ever bump into someone in the hall or at the coffee pot to hear, "Hi, how are you?" and no one sticks around to hear the answer?  Ever do that one yourself?

Excuses, Allies, and Forward Progress

It's been awhile, since January actually, and I am tempted to make excuses for falling off the face of the blogosphere.  I've got plenty of good ones.   Managing my company and leading training programs keeps me pretty busy.  Business is good.  I have been teaching at San Jose State University with Marci Rinkoff, CPCC of MBR Coaching and I am making considerable progress in my vision to positively impact millions of people.  The Coach Approach will be going to India to lead two training programs for industry leaders in New Delhi and Mumbai in a few weeks. 

I also have some pretty lame excuses.  Don't have enough time.  Nothing compelling to write.  And, anyway you look at them, they are just excuses.  Excuses get in the way of forward progress.  They give us permission to take our eye off the ball, to lose focus, miss commitments, get mired in details and forget about the bigger picture.  When you find yourself in this boat, it's a great time to turn to your allies.

Allies are partners in your success, sometimes knowingly and sometimes not.

Achievement, Values, and Relationships

I'd like to close this week by inviting you to read a compelling blog post about "The Brotherhood of the Rope" at Zinger on Strength Based Leadership.  Zinger shares the story of a climber who died on his way down from summiting Mt. Everest after no fewer than 40 climbers trekking up the mountain passed him by ignoring his requests for help.  I read it earlier this week and then followed some of the links to learn more about what exactly happened on Mt. Everest on these particular expeditions and then ponder how these same human imperfections show up at work and in relationships.

Zinger writes, "As leaders we are seldom, if ever, faced with this magnitude of a decision between task and relationship."  However, we are often faced with making choices about relationships of lesser magnitude for the sake of achievement or performance.  I can understand the hunger and commitment those trekkers felt for reaching the top of Mt. Everest and some of the physical conditions under which their decisions were made. 

What we need is a clear understanding of our values before we get in those high pressure, high stress situations. Values are our guideposts.  We don't have to decide every situation and foresee every set of circumstances when we know who we are, what are values are, and how we want to show up.  Are you willing to be the guy to sacrifice your values and your relationships to reach the summit?

I invite you to read this compelling post and consider what your own values are - really.  A good place to start is with this question is, how do you want to be remembered?  What do you want others to say about you when you are not present?  What's the headline of the story about you?

Truly thought-provoking.....

Regards,

Lora

lora@TheCoachApproach.net

The Coach Approach, LLC

Invest in Relationships or Pay the Price Later

Hearing a lot lately about the value of time and some complaints about there not being enough of it to go around.  Well, I am not going to say a word about time management because that is not my expertise.  I do however want to share a perspective on time as an investment opportunity in building relationships both personally and professionally.