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Lora Banks, PCC, CPCC

  • Lora Banks, is a professional certified coach and founder of The Coach Approach, LLC. She specializes in coaching practical people to take inspired action for personal development.

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January 13, 2009

8 Criteria for Creating Even More Happiness in Your Life

Image Hula Hoop 
Photo by outdoorsie
The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one's attitude in any given circumstance.

~Victor Frankl

I am hard pressed right now to find anyone who is optimistic about the upcoming year except a few Internet marketers who are bombarding my inbox with messages claiming that they are not participating in any recession. 

Fear, dread, and anxiety won't change the economy, the stock market, or energy prices.  They just make you feel crummy no matter what is going on.  Worse yet, they jam your creative mechanisms and point your line of focus straight at problems rather than opportunities.

This is a time to be resourceful and to be resourceful, we need to clear our head of all the things we can't do anything about.  We need to really get that while we don't control our environment or the economy or our teenage son, we DO control our responses to these things.  Attitude and feeling good are a choice.  So why not choose to feel good and fully engage with your life this year, no matter what the circumstances?

 

Yes! You Can

Yes, you can feel better, make yourself happier.  In the best selling book, "Flow. The Psychology of Optimal Experience," psychology professor and researcher Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi outlines the eight principles that are necessary to create happiness.  This is not another pseudo psychology self-help book but rather it is based on a decade's worth of research by the author and his team out of the University of Chicago. 

For you to enjoy yourself and feel happiness, engage in activities or tasks in such a way that at least one if not more of the following criteria are present.

1.  You feel you at least have a chance of completing it.  Notice you don't have to be supremely confident, just feel a possibility of completing it.  Don't choose something that is so easy it doesn't require you to stretch.  Too hard and you'll feel more struggle than satisfaction.

2.  You have the opportunity to concentrate.

3. The task has clear goals.

4.  You receive immediate feedback on your progress so you know whether or not you are on target to reach your goals.

5.  Deeply engage with the activity so that your mind pushes aside day to day worries and frustrations.  This is one reason why physical activities and sports are so effective at producing positive states.

6.  Exercise a sense of control over your actions.

7.  During the activity, your sense of self disappears.  Think back to the last time you saw a terrific movie and became completely engrossed in the story on the screen.

8.  Engage in an activity where your sense of time is altered. 

 

Organize the Chaos

The normal state of our mind is chaos.  Without something to occupy our time and our thoughts, most of us will default to worry or trying to solve a problem.  By engaging in activities that involve challenge, have clear goals and a way of obtaining feedback, we channel the normally chaotic workings of the mind in a constructive direction.  By using concentration and self directed skills, we push aside our worries to become fully engaged and lose all sense of time.  We create in essence a sense of flow, an allowing of a greater experience of happiness.

The really good news is the opportunities for flow are endless. Sports, dance, sex, reading, writing, painting, playing music, eating, building a Lego tower with a child.  Just about any activity can be transformed into a happiness producing experience by consciously employing some or more of these criteria.

 

October 20, 2008

Six Tips to Make Anger Work for You

Image Angry Female DriverAnger, commonly thought of as a "negative" emotion, is a result of a disappointed expectation or frustrated desire. Like all emotions it comes from our thoughts.  You thought he would be on time for dinner with your parents.  He was late - again.  What you "think" is he doesn't appreciate you or the effort you put into making dinner plans.  What you feel is angry.

Most healthy people don't enjoy getting mad, especially if they get out of control, saying and doing things they regret later.  I certainly don't enjoy getting mad.  First I get mad and then I get mad at myself for getting mad because I think I should be resourceful enough, or smart enough, or evolved enough to NOT get mad.  Kind of feeds on itself.

But there is a gift to anger.  That gift is energy.  While sadness, shame, guilt and self-pity all lack energy and can keep a person stuck almost forever, anger has energy and that energy must be moved.  Here, you have a choice - to use it either destructively or constructively.

Continue reading "Six Tips to Make Anger Work for You" »

March 11, 2008

Change the Way You Look At Things

Change the way you look at things and, what you look at - changes. 

Perception isn't everything but it sure is convincing.  The problem is, when you believe something to be true, you tend to sort through information in your environment and focus on evidence that supports the frame of reference you have chosen in your perception. For example, look at the picture below:

Oldyoung Young Woman or Old?
That depends on your interpretation. Young people tend to see a young girl; older people, an elderly lady.

With effort, you can switch from one to the other: the young woman's chin becomes the old woman's nose; the old woman's mouth, a band on the neck of the young woman.

By American psychologist E.G. Boring

As you shift the way you look at things, you are able to take in more objective information and reframe more empowering and useful perspectives on a situation. 

Try it.  See what changes you become aware of as you shift the way you look at things.

All the best,

Lora

lora@TheCoachApproach.net

The Coach Approach, LLC

P.S.  Here is another one just for kicks. Vases or faces?

Vaseface

"Goblet Portraits" by Zeke Berman ©1978

January 11, 2008

Not Getting Results? Don’t Just Sit There, Change Something!

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.

          -Benjamin Franklin

We’ve all heard Ben Franklin’s famous quote - which doesn’t stop us from the folly of continuing to do the same thing over and over again hoping for a different result.  Maybe we’re all a little insane.  Sometimes we’ve just convinced ourselves that we are right and that ultimately, things will change.  And then there is the possibility that we don’t know what exactly to change.

If you are a little bit insane, good for you.  It keeps life interesting.  If you have convinced yourself that you are just right and ultimately something else will change, good luck.  If you are willing to try something different in order to get a different result, here are the places to start.

Continue reading "Not Getting Results? Don’t Just Sit There, Change Something!" »

October 15, 2007

The Coach Approach to Legal Issues

I was excited this morning to find the following blog article by Philip Daunt in my Google news alert, The Power of Clear Communication.  Daunt publishes a blog on bringing coaching concepts to the often contentious process of legal disputes.  What a GREAT concept!  I can't think of a better place to apply coaching skills.

It seems almost counter intuitive because we so often are in a win/lose and blame game state of mind by the time someone resorts to legal action. Whether we are initiating or responding to a legal action, the important thing to remember is that we always, and I mean ALWAYS, have a choice.  We choose our intent, our language, our tactics, our feelings, and most importantly the energy we bring to the dispute or conflict.  Are we here to resolve or to punish?  Are we attached to being right or ready to move forward?  Is our energy being put to its highest and best use in engaging or settling?

Check out Durant's recent post as well as The Ten Distinctions of a Coach Approach Lawyer and The Eight Possibilities.  He is truly in ground breaking territory here. 

I shared some of my personal experiences on this topic in a previous post.  And I would love to hear your thoughts and/or experiences on this topic.

With gratitude,


Lora

Lora Banks, CPCC

lora@TheCoachApproach.net

The Coach Approach, LLC

September 21, 2007

Success Tip: Play The Perfect Game

What a nice surprise this week when I arrived home from a spinning class and found an email from Thach Nguyen inviting me to attend his "Mental Journey to Millions" seminar in Irvine, California next weekend, September 28-30.  I had the pleasure of hearing Thach speak at Tom Ferry's Success Summit last year and I wrote here about the inspiration, tips, and  tools I received from Thach's presentation.  At this point, I won't be able to attend as I am scheduled to teach a class at San Jose State University but, I told Thach, if something changes with my schedule, I will be on a plane Thursday night to MJM Live.

Check out the video clips

Continue reading "Success Tip: Play The Perfect Game" »

September 14, 2007

Forget Right and Wrong

Laura Whitworth, one of the founders of the industry of coaching, founder of The Bigger Game, founder of The Coaches Training Institute in San Rafael, creator of the CTI Global Leadership training program and author of Co-Active Coaching: New Skills for Coaching People Toward Success in Work and, Life, left this planet on February 28, 2007 after a long battle with lung cancer.  She was a coach, a friend, a mentor and an inspiration to me in the few years that I knew her.  Laura, like the master coach that she was, asked the best questions.  And although it was several years ago, I still remember one of the greatest gifts of wisdom she gave to me in a coaching session sitting on the beach in Santa Cruz, California.

Laura was coaching me on an entrenched conflict in my personal life, a relationship that had gone bad and become polarized into good and bad, right and wrong. 

Continue reading "Forget Right and Wrong" »

January 22, 2007

Success Tip: Be Do Have

My friend Stewart Gall, over at Shirlaws here in San Francisco, recently presented a brief overview of a consulting framework he uses with clients through a license from partner, Open Up Communication in Australia. 

The concept is this.  Most people approach problems, opportunities and goals in the mind set of "Have, Do, Be" which translates to something like this for example:

When I have the promotion at work, then I will get to do more of the things I enjoy, and I will be more fulfilled by my career.

To succeed, you must reverse the order to "Be, Do, Have" such that:

I will be more fulfilled by my career, do more of the things that I enjoy, and  then I will have the promotion.

The formula says you create solutions, opportunities, and circumstances by choosing a perspective now, acting with confidence that you will achieve your objective and then ultimately achieve it. 

Continue reading "Success Tip: Be Do Have" »

January 15, 2007

Unstoppable

Last week, I was chatting with my good friend Nicki Marcellino at Prudential California Realty in La Jolla, California about perspectives and achievement and dreams and boundaries and limitations and what is real and what is made up. Certainly and historically, wherever there has been innovation or achievement of something for the first time, there has been a majority of people who said the thing couldn't be done.  Think walking on the moon, the four minute mile, climbing Mt. Everest, putting a cell phone into the hand of every thirteen year old in the United States, or connecting the entire world via the World Wide Web.

Sometimes, it is challenging to get clients to dream again when they have collected so much evidence about what is true and what is not, what is possible and what is not.  For those of you who need to exercise that dreaming muscle, here is a book recommendation from Nicki to me to you.  Enjoy 45 stories from people who did the seemingly impossible and consider, what is the dream that is so big you don't dare to believe it?

Have fun,

Lora

lora@TheCoachApproach.net

The Coach Approach, LLC

January 11, 2007

Full Responsibility

Assume for a second that it is all about you.  Assume for a second that you created everything in your life experience right now, all the things you like, all the things you don't like, all the things that are missing, all the things that are frustrating or not quite what you expected them to be.  Assume all of the people and opportunities that are present or not, you created.

What is in that space of complete responsibility?  I'm not interested in arguing about whether it is true or not.  I am simply asking that you try on that perspective and see what might be present and possible from that perspective.

When I look at the world through that lens, what happens for me is the feeling of freedom and choice.  If I am responsible for my life experience, then I am free to choose to make different choices to bring forward different results in the future.  To borrow from an ancient text, "You reap what you sow."  What you sow is your thoughts, your actions and your choices.  Where you stand now is the result of the thoughts, actions, and choices of yesterday.

As you hold this perspective of complete responsibility, look out into your career, your work relationships, your personal life, health, finances, and community.  What might you create from a perspective of full responsibility?

Knowing that "create" is a long, long way from control, I am curious and would love to hear your thoughts on how you might take full responsibility to create positive work and life experiences or perhaps, how you have in the past.  Just curious.

All the best,

Lora

lora@TheCoachApproach.net

The Coach Approach, LLC