The Coach Approach

20 Habits You Need to Break to Get to the Next Level

"You can get there.  But you have to understand that what got you here won't get you there."  Marshall Goldsmith

Executive coach Marshall Goldsmith's book "What Got You Here Won't Get You There" identifies 20 behaviors that successful people need to change to get ahead at work.  The book elaborates on each of these negative habits and provides useful remedies and strategies for modifying the offending behaviors.

Worth a a read and what I notice is you can apply them at work, at home, in relationships and other places in your life as well.  They don't need much explanation.

1. Winning too much.

2. Adding too much value.

3. Passing judgment.

4. Making destructive comments.

5. Starting with "No," "But," or "However."

6. Telling the world how smart you are.

7. Speaking when angry.

8. Negativity, or "Let me explain why that won't work."

9. Withholding information.

10. Failing to give proper recognition.

11. Claiming credit that we don't deserve.

12. Making excuses.

13. Clinging to the past.

14. Playing favorites.

15. Refusing to express regret.

16. Not listening.

17. Failing to express gratitude.

18. Punishing the messenger.

19. Passing the buck.

20. An excessive need to be "me."

The only one I didn't really get on first read was the last one.  An 'excessive need to be me" is justifying a behavior with "That's just the way I am." 

Which of these behaviors might be coming between you and your next level of success?

Six Tips to Make Anger Work for You

Anger, commonly thought of as a "negative" emotion, is a result of a disappointed expectation or frustrated desire. Like all emotions it comes from our thoughts.  You thought he would be on time for dinner with your parents.  He was late - again.  What you "think" is he doesn't appreciate you or the effort you put into making dinner plans.  What you feel is angry.

Most healthy people don't enjoy getting mad, especially if they get out of control, saying and doing things they regret later.  I certainly don't enjoy getting mad.  First I get mad and then I get mad at myself for getting mad because I think I should be resourceful enough, or smart enough, or evolved enough to NOT get mad.  Kind of feeds on itself.

But there is a gift to anger.  That gift is energy.  While sadness, shame, guilt and self-pity all lack energy and can keep a person stuck almost forever, anger has energy and that energy must be moved.  Here, you have a choice - to use it either destructively or constructively.

Success Tool: Avoid These Negative Language Patterns

I wrote Monday about using positive language to create more resourceful states in yourself and others.  Bottom line is that your words help create your own feelings of well-being (or not) and impact those around you in a big way! 

Your impact is either positive, negative or neutral.  Realistically, neutral doesn't happen very often which leaves you with one of two choices.  Since positive people have better relationships, make more money, experience better health, and enjoy greater success, you want to have a positive impact - of course!

Success Tool: Use the Language of Positive Influence

Your language is one of the most powerful tools you can use to influence your own success as well as the success of others.  How you use words to describe your experience or to question your experience, gives your brain a clue as to whether you should be responding from a resourceful state or a not so resourceful state.  And that's just for starters.

Think about the impact you might create with a question like:  "How are we going to get ourselves out of this mess?" as opposed to "What are the most important things we can be doing right now to keep ourselves moving forward?"  See the difference?  The first places a focus on a mess while the other points toward what is important and forward movement.

Not Getting Results? Don’t Just Sit There, Change Something!

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.

          -Benjamin Franklin

We’ve all heard Ben Franklin’s famous quote - which doesn’t stop us from the folly of continuing to do the same thing over and over again hoping for a different result.  Maybe we’re all a little insane.  Sometimes we’ve just convinced ourselves that we are right and that ultimately, things will change.  And then there is the possibility that we don’t know what exactly to change.

If you are a little bit insane, good for you.  It keeps life interesting.  If you have convinced yourself that you are just right and ultimately something else will change, good luck.  If you are willing to try something different in order to get a different result, here are the places to start.

Leadership Tip: Is Your Organization Awake?

That is the question asked by Nancy Spears in her latest business book, Buddha: 9 to 5: The Eightfold Path to Enlightening Your Workplace and Improving Your Bottom Line  Regardless of your spiritual orientation, you will find this book packed with leadership tools, workplace wisdom, and professional development tips. 

Spears overlays ancient teachings upon today's corporate environments providing a road map for healthy change which is people, profit and ethics centric - all at the same time. She brings deeper meaning to the classic terms, "mission" and "vision."  Through a series of self-coaching exercises, she points the reader toward accountability, discipline in communication, passion and patience at work.  Short case studies populate the book both from the author's own professional experience as well as popular media.  While educating on Buddhist principles of thought, each chapter is organized in business like fashion into strategies, tactics, and operations.

I love the book, like most of those recommended by my good friend Nicki Marcellino at Prudential California Realty.  The company has their entire management staff reading the book!  Spears and I are on the same page here.  You can read my take on business and the eightfold path on my old blog, Thoughts on Leadership over at blogger.com.  What do you think?

Enjoy,

Lora

Lora Banks, CPCC

lora@TheCoachApproach.net

The Coach Approach, LLC

Coaching Tip: Performance Reviews for High Performers

There was an interesting query on one of my networks recently that is worth sharing.  Someone asked, how do you give a performance review to a top performer when part of your job is to identify areas for growth when the employee is at the top of his/her game?

What a great challenge to have!  First of all, there is ALWAYS room for growth of some kind.  Secondly, you don't have to have all the answers.  Trust me.  Most people have an idea where they could improve and grow.  Let them provide the seeds for the conversation.  Here is a format that works:

1) Ask if they would be willing to look together at areas for continued growth so they are prepared for the direction of the conversation.
2) Ask what areas they have identified for themselves.
3) Ask permission to brainstorm and/or to add your suggestions to their own self-awareness and targeted areas for growth.
4) Coach and offer yourself as a resource to their success. Find out specifically how you can assume the role of ally in their areas of growth.
5) Look for the opportunity to end this portion of the performance review with a sincere acknowledgment.

Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of this challenge?  What did you learn about what works and what doesn't?  I would love to hear about your experiences.

All the best,

Lora

Lora Banks, CPCC

lora@TheCoachApproach.net

The Coach Approach, LLC

Leadership Tip: Your Attention Please!

When and where do you place your attention?  This is a simple question and the answer may not be as easy.  There are countless moments during the day when you hand over your attention to the auto pilot, perhaps in handling prolific email, an unengaging conversation, or the repeat performance of routine interactions such as saying "Good morning" for example.  Ever bump into someone in the hall or at the coffee pot to hear, "Hi, how are you?" and no one sticks around to hear the answer?  Ever do that one yourself?

Success Tip: Be Do Have

My friend Stewart Gall, over at Shirlaws here in San Francisco, recently presented a brief overview of a consulting framework he uses with clients through a license from partner, Open Up Communication in Australia. 

The concept is this.  Most people approach problems, opportunities and goals in the mind set of "Have, Do, Be" which translates to something like this for example:

When I have the promotion at work, then I will get to do more of the things I enjoy, and I will be more fulfilled by my career.

To succeed, you must reverse the order to "Be, Do, Have" such that:

I will be more fulfilled by my career, do more of the things that I enjoy, and  then I will have the promotion.

The formula says you create solutions, opportunities, and circumstances by choosing a perspective now, acting with confidence that you will achieve your objective and then ultimately achieve it. 

Revealing Creates Connection - Tag

Apparently there is a game of tag going around the blogosphere to which I have been completely obliviously and nevertheless have been tagged by blogger Kent Blumberg over at his leadership blog to reveal "Five Things You Might Not Know About Me."  To be honest, I am not a big fan of games.  However, I am a big fan of creating connection. In The Coach Approach to Leadership and Management program we present at The Coach Approach, we hold a stake that revealing and transparency are key leadership skills that connect people in organizations.

So to honor Kent's tag and in the interest of creating connection, here are five things you might not know about me: