With the mega success of the hit movie, "The Secret," I assume just about everybody has been exposed to the wildly popular idea of positive thinking. Not a new concept in the field of personal development and success psychology but the movie put a spin on it referring to it as the Law of Attraction (LOA) - claiming some ancient roots and basically that what you think about you will attract like a magnet, either good or bad.
Hordes of followers were energized by the movie and who wouldn't be? All I have to do is think about something - like a little red bicycle - and I will get it. LOA gurus and coaches sprung up everywhere to help the masses work the program. Think about something with all your might and it will be created.
Still others pointed out the caveat - you have to BELIEVE that you already "be, do, or have" the object of your desires. And here is where it all falls apart for smart people. They can't convince themselves of something that is not empirically true in their perception. They refuse to fool themselves when they take some pride their intellect, rational thinking and perhaps education.
The fact is people who think positively do have greater success, better health and more satisfying relationships. (If you need to be convinced, see the work of Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, Ph.D.) How then is a smart, thinking person supposed to convince herself of something other than the thoughts served up by her marvelous brain?
Well here is what we know from the available science.
1) You can't create a "believable" positive thought by turning a negative thought upside down. For instance, if you feel like you are suffering under a pile of debt from a real estate deal gone bad, you are going to have a heck of time trying to sell the affirmation, "I feel ease and abundance in my ever increasing wealth" to your head. Your affirmation will be met with resistance, judgment, and a challenge to the truthfulness. The little voice inside your head will likely reply, "Who you trying to kid? Done any math lately? Negative net worth is a far cry from wealth. You know that. You have an MBA for God's sakes. Wake up and smell the coffee. You're in trouble and no amount of magical thinking is going to get you out of it Bozo."
2) Instead, identify a new empowering belief that would address the same issue, create a similar desired outcome that doesn't rely on the old language. In this example, you would avoid the words money, debt, wealth etc. You might try, "I am more than capable of finding solutions and opportunities in the current circumstances." This will allow you to create more positive and resourceful thoughts without triggering your prudent self to set you straight on subjective reality and the facts.
3) Look for real world evidence to support your positive thought. This is particularly useful when you have constructed an exaggerated negative perception of an event. I once coached a client through a series of job transitions during the boom and bust of the dot com era. Every time his employment came to an end, he was convinced his career was over and that he would never be gainfully employed again. Now this smart guy was not terminated from a series of positions, in fact one position ended because he sold his company for a very nice profit. Yet he was convinced that somehow he was a fraud and wouldn't work again. When we looked at the evidence, I pointed out that EVERY single time he transitioned, he got every thing he wanted in a new position and MORE. He had good evidence to believe that his next position would be even more fulfilling than the last. He just needed to see the evidence.
4) And what if the evidence just isn't there. No matter how hard you look, you can't find the facts to support a positive angle. What then? The trick here is to de-escalate the meaning and implications you are attaching to the event. You lost your job. Does that mean that you will NEVER work again? No. It doesn't. You did a bad real estate deal and are saddled with a mountain of debt. Does that mean that you are a complete failure? No. It doesn't. Does it mean that you will never be successful again? No. It doesn't. Strip away as much as you can of the catastrophic thinking by getting clear on how likely it is that you are looking at the worst case scenario. Again, look for evidence here.
5) Finally, if you work through the steps above and land squarely back on the negative belief. Worse yet, you've gone through the process and found even more evidence to support it. What then? The question to ask yourself is - "This may be true now but can it be changed?" If so, how? Where it can be changed, this will lead you to constructive action and the opportunity to create new evidence for a more positive and resourceful belief.
Photo Courtesy of critical thinking asylum.
