For the left-brained, analytical, thinking over feeling among us - myself included along with most of my clients - it may come as a bit of a surprise that there is actually a formula, a scientific and well researched formula, for that sometimes aloof and elusive state we refer to as "happiness." Not "the secret" or the shortcut or the step by step process but a mathematical equation. I LOVE this idea! And here it is:
H = S + C + V
According to Dr. Martin Seligman, author of Authentic Happiness and numerous other books on the subject, enduring happiness (H) is a function of our happiness set point (S) combined with our life circumstances (C) and factors under our voluntary control (V).
Your enduring level of happiness is distinct from momentary happiness. Momentary happiness can be increased by any number of pleasant experiences - a glass of wine, a baby's smile or beautiful music. Enduring happiness is not simply a collection of pleasant experiences but your general, overall level of satisfaction and joy in life. It might be characterized by how stoked you are about your day today and how much you look forward to your life in the future.
Your happiness set point (S) is primarily inherited from your biological parents and accounts for approximately 50% of your enduring happiness. This is your sort of default level of happiness - all other things being equal - and can vary greatly between people. Obviously, there is little you can do to change your genetics.
Life circumstances (C) account for about 10% of the equation. Money, health, relationships, where you live, friends, negative life events and religion can all have an impact - either positive or negative. The good news is that many life circumstances can be positively influenced by your efforts.
But the really good news is that fully 40% of your enduring happiness depends on your ability to exercise the muscle of positive emotions. Positive emotions are the byproduct of your way of thinking about things - past, present and future. They include optimism, hope, joy, faith, trust, pride and satisfaction among others. And here is where you have the leverage to create more sustainable and enduring happiness.
So how do you develop this muscle? Seligman suggests the ABCDE model of arguing with yourself when you have negative thoughts. Think of it as a conversation you might have with a friend or when disputing a completely ludicrous accusation. Next time you have a negative thought, try to apply this method and notice the difference.
A is for adversity. Describe the negative event. "Our teenage daughter had a party in our house over the weekend while we were out of town."
B is for belief. What is your belief about the event? "She has absolutely no respect for us. She is headed for even more trouble. How are we ever going to get control of her behavior?"
C is for Consequences. Identify the impact or consequences for the event. "I am furious with her for lying and disappointed in my husband for not managing things better in the past. And I am overwhelmed at the prospect of trying to discipline a teenager."
D is for disputation. Disputation is key. This is where you point out what might be erroneous in your beliefs and consequences. "Having a party while we are out of town is not a felony. It doesn't mean she is a bad kid. In fact, she is doing great in school and hey, didn't I try that trick once or twice on my parents? I can't say I was 100% truthful with my parents either. It is pretty normal for a teenager to test the boundaries."
E is for energization (Is that a word?). Observe the energy that becomes available as you DISPUTE your negative beliefs. "I am not interested in controlling her behavior. I am interested in continuing to strengthen our relationship and build it during difficult times. I also want her to learn to make good decisions, to be safe. I am going to talk to her to communicate my disappointment and I am going to make sure she doesn't have the opportunity to make the same decision in the near future."
While 50% of your happiness level may be a function of heredity, some 40% is a function of how you think about things and then experience positive or negative emotions. Why not spend the next week, the next day or the next hour exercising your positive emotion muscle?
