In my post on Wednesday I wrote about Four Ways to be Happier - About Your Past. I mentioned the important work of Dr. Everett Worthington on forgiveness and said I would post his proven 5 step method for forgiving and releasing some of the negative events of your past.
Dr. Worthington not only studies the radical act of forgiveness at the University of Virginia Commonwealth. He has taken his own medicine - forgiving the perpetrators of the brutal murder of his elderly mother in 1996. You can read his story here.
He refers to the forgiveness process as REACH.
Recall. Recall the hurt as objectively as you can. Don't judge the other person by adding labels like "evil" or "bad." Breathe deeply as you do this.
Empathize. Try to understand the other person's point of view. This may not be easy but try to find some plausible explanation for the other's way of thinking that resulted in their hurtful actions. For example, when people feel threatened or afraid, they may strike out in violence. Importantly, you are not excusing the other person's behavior. You are just looking for their point of view.
Altruistic Gift. "A" stands for giving the aaltruistic gift of forgiveness. Again, this may not be easy. Think of a time that you may have hurt someone, when you felt guilty and were forgiven. That forgiveness was a gift. Now give the gift of forgiveness for the benefit of other person. It will set YOU free when you can give this gift without holding a grudge.
Commit. Commit yourself to forgive publicly. Dr. Worthington has his clients write letters of forgiveness, write in a journal or tell a friend what they have done.
Hold. Hold on to the forgiveness. As memories of the hurtful event resurface, which they surely will, hold on to the fact that you have forgiven the person. Forgiveness does not erase the event and memories do not mean that you are unable to forgive.
Forgiveness is a powerful choice to change the energy that a hurtful memory carries. Let go of thoughts of vengeance or revenge. Hold on to the forgiveness.
Photo Courtesy of Spazzo_1493
