I answer questions over at AllExperts.com on work group relationships. My single most frequent question is how to deal with difficult coworkers and bosses. And the single most common inclination is to take the issue over someone's head and to complain to a higher level.
This is not a good STARTING point for common complaints and conflicts! When you have a problem with a boss or a coworker, speak to the person who can most easily fix it - the person you have the problem with. Here are a few tips for having that necessary conversation.
- Do it one on one
- Start with the facts and just the facts - "Remember at the meeting yesterday when I suggested that..."
- Add your perception - "I thought/felt/noticed that you rolled your eyes."
- Describe the impact the action had on YOU - "It made me think that you were discrediting my input."
- Listen
- Make a request - "The next time you feel uninspired when I am speaking at a meeting, would you mind giving me some useful input?"
- Create accountability by asking this question, "If this comes up in the future, how would you like me to handle it with you?"
- Find something to appreciate - thank the person for their time, honesty, sharing their perspective, clarifying etc. Note to self: If you can't find SOMETHING to appreciate YOU are probably being too hard on the other person in the conversation.
The direct conversation takes a little more courage but builds better work relationships. Think about the idle office gossip that could be eliminated if more people took constructive action.
