Great conversation on feedback going on over at David Maister's blog. Worth a read and here is a summary of some high points where we agree and disagree.
David writes:
Our progress at work and in life depends on what other people think of us. What we think of ourselves is irrelevant data
I wholeheartedly disagree.
Feedback is important and we need to take what is useful and apply it. At the same time, what we think of ourselves may be the most important factor in our success and is certainly relevant data.
David writes:
Remember that people NEVER tell you the truth on formal occasions.
Yes and no here. What's really important in
getting constructive feedback is that the players involved agree on a
structure. I agree with David that many times, during a formal review
for instance, we are not looking for the "real feedback." We are more
concerned with what might be documented in the personnel file.
However, you can design a formal meeting or coaching session to request
feedback with the understanding that you will create a structure and
terms for the conversation. I call them rules of engagement. People
have different styles of both delivering information and hearing
information. Personally, I prefer the info direct and right between
the eyes. I have clients, one CEO I am thinking of in particular, and
he is quite aware that his ego gets involved and he needs the feedback
to be gentle so he doesn't get defensive. Regarding formal or
informal, it is more a matter of creating the right environment.
David says:
.......if you really want to get at something useful, then you need to find out is not what people have to say when they are in a logical, analytical mode, but what they FEEL about you.
Yes, yes, and triple yes! The rational
stuff is good and the juice is in that f-word "feel." You absolutely
want to know what is the emotional impact you are having on people, not
do they like you or do they not. Do they feel threatened, unsupported,
demeaned, respected, valued? Those kinds of f-words.
David writes:
Most importantly, if you're going to ask, be ready to change.
And I would say, most importantly, if you are going to ask, be ready to listen, really listen and let it in. You alone get to decide what is useful and how it may or may not bring about change.
And as I am following this discussion thread, we all absolutely agree that getting good feedback is a critical factor to success!
With respect,
Lora
lora@TheCoachApproach.net
The Coach Approach, LLC
